Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
