I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
that may or may not have been my penis.
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