I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
