I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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