shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well you can't waste a boner
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
