I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize