Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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