you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
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So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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