So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
