I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
