I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will be naked everywhere
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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