my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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