Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
