Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
