Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
