I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize