I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
