If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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