I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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