oh god the rape fog is back!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
