i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
