OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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