Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
