YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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