Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
