I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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