ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
