my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
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I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
do nipples grow back?
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