I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
