he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
