we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
