Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
