note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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