i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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