yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
