I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
