I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
