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I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
