She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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