is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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