i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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