it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont even know how to be here
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
