I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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