the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
