a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Barsexuality is the new black.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
