I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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