Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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