I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
