capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
