mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
