Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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