Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
