I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
