the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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