hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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