I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
