True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My feet surprised me
Randomize
