She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
