Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
