I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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