maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
