I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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