Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
