Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
