Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i dont even know how to be here
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
