it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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