he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I want to be your penis for a week.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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