Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
