We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I didn't notice because vodka
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
