And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
