drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
