i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We talked him into tasing himself.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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