brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
