"it" just moved
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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