he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
