Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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