If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
