I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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